no thursday classes this week because of snow. wednesday was just agility for berlin, classes for rah. next week rah will only be in utility. im limiting things for financial reasons and to keep things easy on him until i know how he will be doing. ironically, he's going to be trialing in open pretty heavily next month so im wondering if i should keep him in open too.
a few people have made comments about me continuing to train him and that option, and a few more have made comments about my option to continue to show him. someone made an implication as to what would happen if he dropped dead at a show.
dont you think i worry about that? don't you think its a concern i have? you think its not a concern i have about every little thing he does?
i dont know. its still so fresh. im still so angry. and sometimes im still so lost about all of this. and sometimes i still just sit here and cry because im afraid im up against a time limit that im not going to be able to beat. taking him to classes is sometimes the hardest thing i can do. having him sit out of agility just watching.
this hurts in so many ways. maybe its just more obvious in dog training and showing because it plays such a large part in our lives.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
thursday, longevity, and switching oh my
last weeks thursday class i worked berlin. clearly we need a stay revamp again - we worked those last night and she had to have some reminders from mom. but she did hold stays while i was working and playing with rah in front of her.
otherwise she worked her little butt off, i was very happy with it. her retrieves need to be faster and more committed, but she's doing them cleanly. in my mind i score attitude, i cant help it.
broad jump needs to be broken down to basics for a minute to remind her that i KNOW this is a very small jump and its nothing for her, but she still needs to put more EFFORT into it :) maybe ill jump her higher than she needs to be just to make the broad jump bigger...
with all the dobes getting sick (just got word on another) and faced with their limited timelines, i think i need to have at least one dog in the house that i can look to being able to show/train/compete/LIVE til 10. its just not fair, getting a dog ready to come out in utility and prepared for so much awesome-sauce-ness and then to have this happen - to be faced with the limited future we have, however long it is.
this heartache is too much sometimes. it wont stop me from having dobermans, but there may be another breed here too.
otherwise she worked her little butt off, i was very happy with it. her retrieves need to be faster and more committed, but she's doing them cleanly. in my mind i score attitude, i cant help it.
broad jump needs to be broken down to basics for a minute to remind her that i KNOW this is a very small jump and its nothing for her, but she still needs to put more EFFORT into it :) maybe ill jump her higher than she needs to be just to make the broad jump bigger...
with all the dobes getting sick (just got word on another) and faced with their limited timelines, i think i need to have at least one dog in the house that i can look to being able to show/train/compete/LIVE til 10. its just not fair, getting a dog ready to come out in utility and prepared for so much awesome-sauce-ness and then to have this happen - to be faced with the limited future we have, however long it is.
this heartache is too much sometimes. it wont stop me from having dobermans, but there may be another breed here too.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
falling into the rut
im prefacing this with the fact that im not ignoring rah's heart disease - it's the elephant in the corner of the room, it's ever present in my mind, it's there in everything i do, ever movement he makes. but i am trying my best not to let it ruin every little thing i enjoy in life. there are few things i do anymore that i take true pleasure in just for me, just because i want to do them - the responsibilities of my life have become such that i have a lot of things i have to do, a lot of things i must do - and so many drains and requirements on me that very few things i get to do because i want to. this is one of them.
he's been on meds for a week, and i rechecked bloodwork and a quick ECG on tuesday and it showed NO vpc's at all - which has me and the cardiologist very hopeful that things will be regulated very well for at least a little while. i have a call in to UofFl to see if he qualifies for their stem cell therapy study in which case rah may be taking the vacation i never get to take so he can have cutting edge surgery to fix his broken heart. (if only such an option existed for mine).
someone made the comment that this is because i love rah more - i dont love rah more. i adore berlin just as much - she's my bitchy bitch, the dog whose personality mimics mine to a T. rah loves everyone - i cannot say the same for me. rah wants nothing else than to have people love him, admire him, and touch him all the time. berlin and i want nothing else than for people to leave us the !@#!@#!@ alone. rah wants what he wants, to please him. berlin wants to be with me. i would do the same for her - but right now, i dont have to make those awful decisions, and hopefully i never will. right now, she's got half her body underneath the computer and on my lap. she's attached to me at the hip. we may have our issues we work out in terms of training, but we certainly have mutual love and admiration going on. sometimes we just have the problem of whose the bigger bitch :)
had a private lesson on saturday - worked rah a bit (it was agility) but he wasn't 100% sound - debbie noted that whether it was concern over soundness, concern over his heart, meds? who knows - but both of us were in MUCH more control of ourselves and it was nice. he rocked his serpentines in very close quarters - then i switched and got berlin and worked a course that had a lot of flips and crosses and tight turns. she got tired and poopfaced because she hates outs while i do a cross so we had too work on the whole "YOU WILL NOT RUN A POOP DOG" and then we brought rah back out to work on his verbal cues for rear crosses over the jump. because he is vortex-y.
yesterday i decided not to run rah in agility this session - waiting til after his next echo/holter on 3/11 before we go back to that excitement! just berlin - worked on a course with lots of 180's and incorporated independent weaves. she has problems collecting herself into the weaves so she missed entrances, but the second course she did well (of course, she was going much slower into that entrance!) - being the fastest dogs in the class make it harder on my two, which is why rah NEVER gets the entrances). the second course had her beloved serpentines - and she is the serpentine QUEEN (she's also pretty good at threadles) - i dont know why we rock these so hard. ironically she handled it better when i broke it down and did a landing side front cross for the second half but she was nice!
rah did open and utility tonight (though im not sure i will do both classes with him next session) - he was so much calmer in retrieving tonight too, he was doing AWESOME calm fronts !!! WHO GAVE ME THIS DOG???? perfect fronts, calm, no stepping around. no front feet movement. i loved it. heeling wasn't wonderful and he was forging but oh well... drop wasn't super fast, his ROH was a bit sloppier on the front, his fig8 was very nice and he had great position. halts were very nice today.
utility - VERY nice gloves - screwed up #3 pivot the first time, but the second time he had lovely pivots, went out to all of them and pretty good fronts, fairly nice finishes. did awesome at articles (i didnt even think if his meds would affect his ability to scent?). go outs were very nice, i didnt jump him at his full height.
his moving stand and signals are going to be his ever present area to work on - i need him to stop moving his feet. the signal part is fine - its the STILL part. the not moving. im really at a loss here. just stand still rah. STAND STILL. CAN YOU DO STILL??? EVER???????? STOP MOVING>
halp.
he's been on meds for a week, and i rechecked bloodwork and a quick ECG on tuesday and it showed NO vpc's at all - which has me and the cardiologist very hopeful that things will be regulated very well for at least a little while. i have a call in to UofFl to see if he qualifies for their stem cell therapy study in which case rah may be taking the vacation i never get to take so he can have cutting edge surgery to fix his broken heart. (if only such an option existed for mine).
someone made the comment that this is because i love rah more - i dont love rah more. i adore berlin just as much - she's my bitchy bitch, the dog whose personality mimics mine to a T. rah loves everyone - i cannot say the same for me. rah wants nothing else than to have people love him, admire him, and touch him all the time. berlin and i want nothing else than for people to leave us the !@#!@#!@ alone. rah wants what he wants, to please him. berlin wants to be with me. i would do the same for her - but right now, i dont have to make those awful decisions, and hopefully i never will. right now, she's got half her body underneath the computer and on my lap. she's attached to me at the hip. we may have our issues we work out in terms of training, but we certainly have mutual love and admiration going on. sometimes we just have the problem of whose the bigger bitch :)
had a private lesson on saturday - worked rah a bit (it was agility) but he wasn't 100% sound - debbie noted that whether it was concern over soundness, concern over his heart, meds? who knows - but both of us were in MUCH more control of ourselves and it was nice. he rocked his serpentines in very close quarters - then i switched and got berlin and worked a course that had a lot of flips and crosses and tight turns. she got tired and poopfaced because she hates outs while i do a cross so we had too work on the whole "YOU WILL NOT RUN A POOP DOG" and then we brought rah back out to work on his verbal cues for rear crosses over the jump. because he is vortex-y.
yesterday i decided not to run rah in agility this session - waiting til after his next echo/holter on 3/11 before we go back to that excitement! just berlin - worked on a course with lots of 180's and incorporated independent weaves. she has problems collecting herself into the weaves so she missed entrances, but the second course she did well (of course, she was going much slower into that entrance!) - being the fastest dogs in the class make it harder on my two, which is why rah NEVER gets the entrances). the second course had her beloved serpentines - and she is the serpentine QUEEN (she's also pretty good at threadles) - i dont know why we rock these so hard. ironically she handled it better when i broke it down and did a landing side front cross for the second half but she was nice!
rah did open and utility tonight (though im not sure i will do both classes with him next session) - he was so much calmer in retrieving tonight too, he was doing AWESOME calm fronts !!! WHO GAVE ME THIS DOG???? perfect fronts, calm, no stepping around. no front feet movement. i loved it. heeling wasn't wonderful and he was forging but oh well... drop wasn't super fast, his ROH was a bit sloppier on the front, his fig8 was very nice and he had great position. halts were very nice today.
utility - VERY nice gloves - screwed up #3 pivot the first time, but the second time he had lovely pivots, went out to all of them and pretty good fronts, fairly nice finishes. did awesome at articles (i didnt even think if his meds would affect his ability to scent?). go outs were very nice, i didnt jump him at his full height.
his moving stand and signals are going to be his ever present area to work on - i need him to stop moving his feet. the signal part is fine - its the STILL part. the not moving. im really at a loss here. just stand still rah. STAND STILL. CAN YOU DO STILL??? EVER???????? STOP MOVING>
halp.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
blizzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrd
extreme blizzard conditions an approx 12 inches of snow on the ground now with more expected means no training tonight. berlin is still in heat and im not battling sexy pants right now, so rah will do her open class tomorrow. maybe ill even train in the house today.
because i have no woooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrk. no work. no work.
im still waiting to hear from the cardiologist. im trying not to obsess. im also sending in entries for rah because gosh darnit the dog likes to show.
because i have no woooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrk. no work. no work.
im still waiting to hear from the cardiologist. im trying not to obsess. im also sending in entries for rah because gosh darnit the dog likes to show.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
days off from training: 1
hours spent humping sister: 2
new plan of attack: dog will continue to train and trial as before as long as cardiologist is not opposed to it, for sanity and health of entire household.
new plan of attack: dog will continue to train and trial as before as long as cardiologist is not opposed to it, for sanity and health of entire household.
Friday, February 5, 2010
faced with mortality
this week there won't be any training updates. there may not be any training for awhile. or ever. i dont want to be morose and im trying to stay upbeat and say i won't change his lifestyle at all and it will not affect our goals, it won't affect our day to day...
but rah rah, my noodle man, has been most likely diagnosed with occult dilated cardiomyopathy. he saw his cardiologist yesterday for a screening and he had multiple ventricular premature contractions, left ventricular dilation and a significant reduction in his contractility. he just finished a 24 hour ECG and once this snowstorm passes i will drive it back down to the cardiologist and we will get the results ASAP and tailor his drug regime.
he's currently asymptomatic. but my heart is breaking and for right now, im just going to rest where we are, i need to just be here with him for a bit. im sad for so many things, so many reasons, on so many levels. and im so very angry.
but rah rah, my noodle man, has been most likely diagnosed with occult dilated cardiomyopathy. he saw his cardiologist yesterday for a screening and he had multiple ventricular premature contractions, left ventricular dilation and a significant reduction in his contractility. he just finished a 24 hour ECG and once this snowstorm passes i will drive it back down to the cardiologist and we will get the results ASAP and tailor his drug regime.
he's currently asymptomatic. but my heart is breaking and for right now, im just going to rest where we are, i need to just be here with him for a bit. im sad for so many things, so many reasons, on so many levels. and im so very angry.
Friday, January 29, 2010
ok, so apparently you dont get an update from last week. i DID find out that berlin, ironically, has to jump 26!!!! not 24 in obedience!
berlins in heat, so after attempting agility this week (and her trying to rub the sexy pants off on the weave poles) and us barely making it through the masters level-based jumpers course, im about ready to rip her uterus out on the kitchen table, so i just put rah in her obedience class on thursday and i will put her back in when she's NOT BLEEDING FROM THE V-PIPE.
anyway, berlin could barely weave. she was more interested in rubbing herself on the poles. it was gross. rah was ... rah. fast, about half accuracy and half blazing speed, occasionally overlapping like a venn diagram.
the jumpers course was fun. rah rocked it. like, rocked it - of course, to get him to collect himself i just stand there and wait while he scrambles like scooby doo (i hear the scramble feet sound from the cartoon in my head when he does this) , but he does it and we are super... berlin was jumping in sexy pants (all i hear is ray j's song "sexy can i?") and did most of the jumpers course til the LAST JUMP???? booooooo
obedience - open, worked broad jump and we're going to change both my footwork for the turn - pivoting on the left foot BACK instead of forward on the right foot. and also going to throw the left shoulder out more powerfully on the turn to try to push him out and pull him in with the right - it was pretty drastic the sort of change it had on him immediately, and he's really working those fronts.
broad jump worked distraction work with his fronts with lydia swinging the rules around, running at him, around him, etc and he was good. on the flat worked me turning on his fronts while terry threw things (including bowls!!!!) and he had to find front. drops i worked on keeping his speed (im toying with having him back up on his drops somehow in practice with some special signal...)heeling (did we do heeling???)i cant remember.
utility -
go outs were first, out towards the other dogs working articles behind the ring gates. nice and straight, but the pressure of kathy out with her dog on leash 5 feet from me made him unwilling to go to a nice front. perfect go out second time but the jumps were set at his jump height to start at, and then the high was even lower than the bar. he wasnt paying attention and threw himself INTO the jump and broke the boards... came to front (whut?)... sent him out again quickly and back over the jump and he had no problem, came to front and we called it quits on that because he had none of his past issues of when the jumps come down or break that he wont go back over them.
articles - full of fail. lets move past that. signals werent bad - nice and crisp, still need to work on not moving his feet!!! moving stand was pretty good too - he wants to book it the minute the judge stops touching him, so we worked that.
gloves were last and i realized ive been doing poor pivots for him (well, ive known this, but didnt know what to change) so i found better footwork for them and i changed it up and it made a HUGE difference for rah!!! he did however back off a glove because a dog he hated was 1 foot behind the glove, so he refused to retrieve it, even though he marked it just fine. kathy body blocked the dog and he went out just fine.
open last night - we played some informal retrieve and broad jump games for attention then worked stations. terry thinks i should just leave rah's foot movement on my "wait" at the retrieve stations and such alone because its driving us insane more to try to fix it than to just leave it, and im inclined to agree with her. while i want a perfect score out of him, i think i may need to pick my battles. i know allowing him to continue doing it will not be good for us, but im not sure the way im trying to address it is the right way, and i cant think of any others... anyway he had some nice work on all his individual stations. heeling we had another epiphany - i was sore because some big blue dobe hurt my leg that morning, and i heeled slower - and HE CAN DO IT. so what if... I SET THE PACE FOR HEELING instead of trying to go fast because hes got super giraffe legs and i dont?
so im going to try it out. it certainly feels less frantic.
berlins in heat, so after attempting agility this week (and her trying to rub the sexy pants off on the weave poles) and us barely making it through the masters level-based jumpers course, im about ready to rip her uterus out on the kitchen table, so i just put rah in her obedience class on thursday and i will put her back in when she's NOT BLEEDING FROM THE V-PIPE.
anyway, berlin could barely weave. she was more interested in rubbing herself on the poles. it was gross. rah was ... rah. fast, about half accuracy and half blazing speed, occasionally overlapping like a venn diagram.
the jumpers course was fun. rah rocked it. like, rocked it - of course, to get him to collect himself i just stand there and wait while he scrambles like scooby doo (i hear the scramble feet sound from the cartoon in my head when he does this) , but he does it and we are super... berlin was jumping in sexy pants (all i hear is ray j's song "sexy can i?") and did most of the jumpers course til the LAST JUMP???? booooooo
obedience - open, worked broad jump and we're going to change both my footwork for the turn - pivoting on the left foot BACK instead of forward on the right foot. and also going to throw the left shoulder out more powerfully on the turn to try to push him out and pull him in with the right - it was pretty drastic the sort of change it had on him immediately, and he's really working those fronts.
broad jump worked distraction work with his fronts with lydia swinging the rules around, running at him, around him, etc and he was good. on the flat worked me turning on his fronts while terry threw things (including bowls!!!!) and he had to find front. drops i worked on keeping his speed (im toying with having him back up on his drops somehow in practice with some special signal...)heeling (did we do heeling???)i cant remember.
utility -
go outs were first, out towards the other dogs working articles behind the ring gates. nice and straight, but the pressure of kathy out with her dog on leash 5 feet from me made him unwilling to go to a nice front. perfect go out second time but the jumps were set at his jump height to start at, and then the high was even lower than the bar. he wasnt paying attention and threw himself INTO the jump and broke the boards... came to front (whut?)... sent him out again quickly and back over the jump and he had no problem, came to front and we called it quits on that because he had none of his past issues of when the jumps come down or break that he wont go back over them.
articles - full of fail. lets move past that. signals werent bad - nice and crisp, still need to work on not moving his feet!!! moving stand was pretty good too - he wants to book it the minute the judge stops touching him, so we worked that.
gloves were last and i realized ive been doing poor pivots for him (well, ive known this, but didnt know what to change) so i found better footwork for them and i changed it up and it made a HUGE difference for rah!!! he did however back off a glove because a dog he hated was 1 foot behind the glove, so he refused to retrieve it, even though he marked it just fine. kathy body blocked the dog and he went out just fine.
open last night - we played some informal retrieve and broad jump games for attention then worked stations. terry thinks i should just leave rah's foot movement on my "wait" at the retrieve stations and such alone because its driving us insane more to try to fix it than to just leave it, and im inclined to agree with her. while i want a perfect score out of him, i think i may need to pick my battles. i know allowing him to continue doing it will not be good for us, but im not sure the way im trying to address it is the right way, and i cant think of any others... anyway he had some nice work on all his individual stations. heeling we had another epiphany - i was sore because some big blue dobe hurt my leg that morning, and i heeled slower - and HE CAN DO IT. so what if... I SET THE PACE FOR HEELING instead of trying to go fast because hes got super giraffe legs and i dont?
so im going to try it out. it certainly feels less frantic.
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