berlin didnt have class last night because kathy is at nationals with secret and blake.

im feeling rather stressed right now - i know we all go through these periods, but im trying to figure out what is going on with rah and why we're hitting a barrier. why our scores are going down in the ring (is it a true score reflection? i know at MHDTC part of that was a function of being at top dog, where he is always over the top and we lost points for that in the ring) - but am i just making excuses? am i the trainer that makes excuses for their dogs poor performances? i mean, they aren't even poor performances - they are good ones. good enough - but not good enough at the same time.

im just trying to figure out if my aspirations for him this year are attainable - or if im spending this insane amount of money (ok thats where most of the stress is coming from - how much this is costing, in an economy that is less than ideal, im taking on more debt to do this, that makes me feel a little uneasy) and we're not going to get near where i want to be.

im proud of him no matter what - he's an awesome dog, and he works so well. but we're just a step from where i wish we could be, and i just dont know what to do to get there. i dont know if there's anything i can do? maybe we're there and i just haven't seen it? i mean, its two shows and just because i didnt get 195's do i have a right to be so down on myself, when NO ONE really did well? i mean - in both shows, even in the B classes, dogs didnt do better than a 195. my TRAINER only got a 195. in the other show, half the dogs NQ'd.

i dont know - i just dont know. maybe we will get to the right shows and he will floor me.


ugh, no one wants to read this whining.
sorry. i just want more for HIM - i want people to look at him and go wow, like they did at the one show - when people came up to me and said he was amazing and that his work took their breath away. i dont care what i look like, i dont care about my half of the equation at all. i want everyone to know what i know - that he's such an awesome dog.


/end mopey training post.